Distance Never Make Difference

Frustrated I was excited to live alone, far from those similar faces of my family people, and boom, I guess that was the moment god listened to me. I got admission to Mount Carmel College Autonomous Bangalore and I shifted to that city alone with no connections and no emotional support near me. 11 Nov 2021 morning 7 AM I stepped out of the house realizing that I'm not going to come back to this place to reside permanently and now I'm connected to those similar people just with a phone call. I witnessed tears in the eyes of my loved ones and that might be because of the same thought I got. The whole day sitting in the back seat of the car my mind was stuck to one question, will I be able to stay with my family again like the same way I stayed for the past 18 years, or will be taken as the guest came to spend vacations for next 10 to 20 days? On the same night when I have to sleep alone knowing the fact that from tomorrow, I'll be having no one to ask me for anything that I require and I have to manage everything on my own.

The whole night I was thinking of the life that I have to face without the support of my mom, dad, and siblings.

I got so many questions in my mind and the answers to those questions were guilty for my tears. Who will ask for water when I'll get back to my room? Who will wipe my wet eyes whenever I'll cry? Who will get into silly fights with me? Who will scold me when I won't come out of my corner in the room? Who will force me to have food when I show tantrums regarding my diet? Who will sit beside me at night and gossip about the whole family? Who will scold our parents in front of me and expect support from me? To whom I'll play the role of being the judge of the house and get every other issue to the conclusion and for whom I'll be the best consultant?

That night I realized that I had just come out of my world and entered into the actual world, where people are busy making their own stories and no one has time to take my stories of life into their interests. That one night when for the very first time I felt being lonely and I somewhere changed my mindset regarding this sugarcoated world. I felt being alone and worried about how I'll manage everything by myself.

Having all those thoughts and making the pillow wet I closed my eyes and the next morning when I woke up, as usual, I called "MUMMAAAAA" and expected a reply "HAN BEETU UTH GAYA". but I witnessed silence and that moment make me feel the grief of separation.

I, my dad, and Rashu Dii went to college together, but I was aware of the fact that they were with me just for a few minutes and will leave my hand to walk on the road called life on my own. It happened as I thought but while leaving me alone, they both changed my mindset.

They left me while raising a spark in me. They told me that I am not alone but independent, I am not lonely but just need to enjoy my own company, I do not lack emotional support but just need to control my emotions. They make me realize that all these are not misfortune but a struggle and sacrifice to achieve something in life. I have my elder sister as my inspiration and an example as she was the first one to leave the nest and fly high. They never left my hands, but I was a kite to them whom they were handled through a fighting string, if I ever go wrong somewhere or if I ever face trouble somewhere then they are always there to pull me from that bog and push me towards the right side of my journey.

The THEY here are not just my dad and Rashu Dii but all those similar faces of my family and now they were the reason for my strength but not my frustration.

After a few minutes, giving me strength and motivation, they sat in the car and moved to their next destination while I was waving my hand towards the car, standing alone at the college gate with eyes full of water.

But this time my wet eyes were holding some big dreams and my heart was holding beautiful memories of my family and hope that next time when they'll look at me, they'll feel prouder of me.

I see them off with the words of my dad marked in my mind that DISTANCE NEVER MAKE DIFFERENCE.

I turned back from the college gate towards my class and finally started a new journey.

- Jashmita Tanwar